Some cool Grape Vine images:
the grape vine
Image by romanlily
Now we move on to the next phase of this strange time. A friend who just bought a house in a nice in-town neighborhood invited me to stay in the tiny carriage house in the back yard. A beautiful, private space with a glorious grape vine growing right by the door. And it's a lot closer to the office, which is a good thing.
At the new house, there are birds in the backyard that fight over prime position on the birdfeeder. There's a big front porch with rocking chairs, looking down on the street. Yesterday while I was out there reading, a couple of moms walked by, both of them pushing double strollers, and the tearful cacophony being raised by one of those poor children was unlike anything I'd ever heard. It was epic. The squirrels and chipmunks all went into hiding while this child broadcast her wails to neighbors miles away. I found myself thinking, I know how you feel, buddy.
I don't pretend to understand what's happening at this point ("grief" is still the operative word), but a few things are apparent:
(a) I did love him, a lot (if I hadn't, this wouldn't be so hard);
(b) I still don't understand why this happened, and I'm realizing I might never understand;
(c) the kindness and generosity of good friends really will save your bacon;
(d) some days are better than others.
My host's new house also has an amazing library full of very good books. One little volume I plucked off the shelf last night contained this:
"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy..."
— Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart
Grape-Vine
Image by Flickr Fan 69
A picture of ripe grapes on the vine, from a winery in British Columbia.
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